Upon the Street, that seemed so sweet
The climate was changing attitudes were rearranging.
When the muppets, all non indiscrete, decided to occupy Sesame Street.
It started with Cookie Monster, who when smacking his lips
started his morning counting his chips.
He let out a roar after counting the stacks
4 out of 100 taken for the Sesame Street Tax.
He contacted Grover,
said, “Hey come on over.
My head I am scratching
with this plan I am hatching.
I won’t be a Stooge
The Cookie Tax is huge.
Please bring me a treat
for we will occupy of Sesame Street
So Grover came over
and brought some more friends
Bert and Ernie arrived in a Mercedes Benz
Big Bird stood outside
Of the Monster’s abode
For fear he’d collide
With the Monster’s commode.
And sitting by himself, alone on the couch
atop the plastic slipcovers, was Oscar the Grouch
Then suddenly arriving was Gladys the Cow
she arrived with a couple, denied their wedding vow .
For in walked Miss Piggy, all quite agog
for she was escorted by Kermit the Frog.
It appears that a law, which was carefully hidden
made marriage between a toad and a sow forever forbidden.
So each had their protest, each had their sign.
“Repeal the Cookie Tax.” “Let Frogs marry swine.”
But the ruler then spoke, but first finished his last cookie
“Three times I’ve been married, and often had nookie.
So that’s the way it should be,
that’s the way it’s been done
Blonde women all three,
I won’t get another, ‘til I tire of one.’
So the protest was over,
Jail time for muppets
for the leader would only accept
his own hand puppets.

Dr. Seuss's Passover Seders

The First Seder

I cannot eat bread
This feels like lead
I cannot go
My bowels are slow
Oh my god, Please let me know
for eight whole days
The food just lays
I eat a fish that swims in jell
No more Gefilte, I feel like hell
The chicken is boiled
The egg is spoiled
So let me ask question number five
Upon this food, how did we survive?
If I sneak mine to my dog Rover
I might just last one more Passover.

The second Seder

To continue our Passover thread
We will follow the route of the unleavened bread
Long ago it was mandated
That this poor soul matzo be castrated.
For in the soup as one recalls
Appear the remnants of his balls

Next we have the bitter Herbs
Oh my Stomach this disturbs
Then the child asks the questions four
As Elijah comes in the open door
“I’m not Elijah, you’re too kind
Your door was open, I’ll rob you blind.”

“I’ll take your Matzo and your wine
Tonight I shall eat mighty fine,
No thank you, no horse radish please
All it does is make me sneeze.”

With that our guest had left our home
And Murray went to use the phone
He first said to Stu,
I know what we have to do,
We’ve no choice my friend,
How much do you have to spend?”
He knew what would change a Jew's bad mood
So he ordered in some Chinese Food.

Now gather ‘round friends
cause I’ll tell you a tale
of the land full Umbrage and Gumption
with Druthers that sail.

Most in this land were of
oak or of pine
except for the Gumption
made of a wood so refine.
And the Umbrage were made
of the heaviest twine

My tale is a conundrum
not easily solved
it causes great battles
not often resolved.

In this land called Iota
The Druthers’ decreed
“We should have a quota
On the Umbrage we feed.”

It seemed that an Umbrage
and Gumption wanted to marry
despite that the Druthers
all wanted contrary.

Outside the Court
where they each said the vow
an Iota born Druther
said “ this, we should not allow.”

“Oh, I’m not a bigot.”
The head Druther averred.
What would follow from this
would sound so absurd.

“Please don’t make the assumption,
that I, The head brother Druther,
am Anti the Gumption.”

“I remember the time, when I was a lad
that my brother the Druther,
knew a Gumption named Brad.”

“We tried and we tried
by Druther Consumption
to convince Brad to convert
from being a Gumption.”

“But Brad just got Mad,
and a Gumption he’d stay
The Gumption are very
stubborn that way.”

“Now the Umbrage you see
are a difficult lot
they were part of that great
Ventriloquist’s plot.”

“You know what happened
the trouble they stirred.
They were lead by the
diabolical Mortimer Snerd.”

“To make a long story short
I stand in front of this court
for the proof’s in the puddin’
that this man who is wooden
does consort with our leader
the one made of cedar.
To conquer this land, long owned by the Druthers.
Their mothers and brothers all knew one anothers.”

“If I had my Druthers,
along with their brothers,
We would have the Gumption
accept the presumption
that they have too many rules,
like teaching Music in schools,
and safety in pools.”

“Once we took Umbrage
the rest would be simple
just like squeezing Aunt Bessie’s
big forehead pimple.”

“Now, we Druthers are known to obey Law and Order
So we’d kick all of the Umbrage back over the border.”

“So we’d be free Druthers
with no Government rules
All children would pray
wherever we choose.”

So the Druthers are here
made of Oak and of Pine
To prohibit this marriage
of those of cedar and twine.
is your guess and mine
but, I’m tired of writing.
I bid you adieu.

Welcome to the Republican Debates. We are here in the 51st State of Oz in the Emerald City. The Moderator for the debates is the first lady of Oz, Dorothy Gale. As the candidates enter via the Yellow Brick Road, Miss Gale will ask the questions.

Dorothy Gale: My first question is fro Mr. Gingrich. Mr. Gingrich, I hear that you have become a highly paid lobbyist, who was born without ethics. Tell me Mr. Gingrich, what would you do with ethics if you had any?

Gingrich: (To the tune of “If I only had a brain.”)
I must feed my overworked libido
That’s always been my Credo
I drive a Mercedes Benz
And My Haircuts they cost Plenty
So it’s really elementary
I have no need for any friends.

I’ve taken large retainers
Hidden in milk containers
Their pockets, I will cleanse

I am clearly narcissistic
So let’s not be unrealistic
I will never make amends

Oh, I wear silken ties
And Thousand dollar suits
With the NRA I am in cahoots
A gun is safe, unless it shoots

I am just a bottom dweller
Can not accept a failure
I take any large stipends
So it’s ethics I avoid
I’ll never help the unemployed
Or those who need to wear depends.

Dorothy Gale: My next question is for Mr. Romney. Mr. Romney, you’ve been accused of changing your position depending upon the audience that you are appearing before. In fact, there are those that believe that you were born without credibility, Tell me Mr. Romney, do you want credibility?

Romney: (To the Tune of “If I only had a Heart.”)

When a Politician’s less than Credible,
Often his words are just inedible
That’s why I cannot be believed.
Just because the nomination is looming
and my ratings aren’t booming
lack of credibility is perceived.

I’m not honest, I’m not candid, and often underhanded
with those who’ve been deceived
I’d deport all Mexicanis, Canadians, Cubanis
self deportation, I’ve conceived

I’ll have fun, on air Force One
above is my dog upon the roof
it’s so quiet you can barely, hear a woof
Cause I’ve made it sound proof

Barak, I beat...how sweet
Just to drill off in the ocean, condemn Newton’s law of motion
You all have been deceived
I could buy the little dipper, kill off dolphins, but not flipper
when my coronation is received.

Dorothy Gale: My final question is for Mr. Santorum. It has been said that you would’ve made a great President, in the thirteenth century. What can you say to those that say you are behind the times.

Santorum: (To the tune of, “If I only had the nerve.”)

There are those of us who know Katrina
was God’s way of punishing men misusing their own Weiner
now I know they will observe

so listen all you sinners
don’t be losers be all winners
sleep with Sally and not Irv.

You have tried all other ruses
With no plausible excuses
Said the Lord you don’t observe.

So let’s avoid another annoyance
Just listen to my clairvoyance
Do not dress with your flamboyance
Or you’ll get what you deserve.

Dorothy Gale: Thank you candidates. This has been enlightening.

Last Night after the result of the Nevada caucus became official, Mitt Romney decided to sing his victory speech. The name of the song is "Wouldn't Mitt be Loverly?"

All I am is a Billionaire.
Who will repeal Obama care
With all my perfect hair
Aow, wouldn't Mitt be loverly?
Lots of friends working on Wall Street,
Only seen with the true elite.
Another Newt defeat
Aow, wouldn't Mitt be loverly?
Aow, so loverly eliminating social programs like goodwill
We can filibuster 'till the right wing
Takes over on the Hill.
Newt soon will be history,
He will have to concede to me,
I’ll be the Nominee.
Aow, wouldn't Mitt be loverly?
Loverly, loverly, loverly, loverly

A Fundamentalist, A Philanderer, A Hypocrite, A Bigot and A Homophobic- a collection of Modern Republicans. Five improbable entities in a debate. No logic, no reason, no explanation; just a prolonged nightmare, in which fear, lies and the unexplainable walk hand in hand through the shadows. In a moment we’ll start collecting clues as to the whys, the whats and the wheres. We will not end this nightmare, we’ll only explain it - because this is the Twilight Zone.

A rich Hypocrite wakes up to find himself trapped on a podium, where he meets a self-righteous Philander, a Libertarian Bigot, Ignorant Fundamentalist, and an Angry Homophobic. None of them has any memory of who they are or how they became trapped. The Hypocrite, being the newest arrival, is the most determined to escape. He is told there is no way out except by winning, which is he knows that he can’t do honestly. The Hypocrite's questioning reveals that the characters have no need for truth or facts and indeed care for nothing in general, except for money.

The characters question where, what and who they are. The Fundamentalist informs the Hypocrite, "We are in the darkness; nameless things with no memory – no knowledge of what went before, no understanding of what is now, no knowledge of what will be." Guesses are made about the nature of where they have been placed: the Fundamentalist speculates that they are on another planet or a spaceship; the Philanderer believes they are in a dream; the Homophobic they are dead, the Bigot that they are all insane and in limbo, while the Hypocrite believes that they are in Hell.

Eventually, the Hypocrite suggests a plan to escape: he will renounce his own successful programs, saying that he never was in favor of them to begin with. The plan almost works. Now even more determined, the Hypocrite speaks with fake empathy for those who have less than he has. As he turns to survey the area surrounding the podium, he tumbles to the ground as the sole survivor of these five unique characters. The other characters talk about him, and the Philanderer says that he may be right, and they may be in Hell.

The scene cuts to a little girl picking up a doll from the snow, a doll in the dress of the rich Hypocrite. A kindly woman tells her, "Put it back in the barrel with the rest of them." It is revealed that the podium is a Christmas toy collection bin for a girls' orphanage and that all five characters are nothing more than dolls. The loud noise was the shaking of a handheld bell which the woman used to attract donations.

The final shot is of the five characters, now seen as dolls with painted faces and glass eyes.

Just a toy, stored in a dark box, where are kept the counterfeit, make believe pieces of plastic and cloth, wrought in the distorted image of human life. But this added hopeful note, perhaps they are only seeking this exalted office for the moment. And the innocence, of the children in the orphanage, will change the Hypocrite, Philander, Fundamentalist, Bigot and Homophobic, tonight’s cast of odd characters, on tonight’s stage, known as the Twilight Zone.

They're stupid and self serving,
Buffoons and quite disturbing
They really are unnerving
The Modern GOP.
Their beliefs are quite archaic
Their plans almost mosaic
They really are prosaic
The Modern GOP
(Neat)
(Sweet)
(Petite)
So get a hat made of tin foil
A man must date a goil
they’ll drill where they find soil
The Modern GOP

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
of a party of the “Blue chip”
The facts they often do contort
While workers get Pink slip.

Newt was a mighty Republican,
Michelle was quite demure.
Five other’s said Election day
Till then we can endure, we can endure.

Romney started getting tough,
Perry seemed so lost
If not for the courage of the Fox News crew
They couldn’t meet ths cost, they couldn’t meet the cost.

They all spent months in a tiny state of just a few squares
With Santoram
Bachman too,
Mitt Romney and Ron Paul,
New Gingrich
Rick Perry and Herman Cain,
Here they can debate your life styles

Come and listen to a story about a man named Mitt
A poor governor who barely gave a shit,
Then one day he was straddling a fence,
Then to him his health care bill no longer made sense.

Insurance that is
For Young and old
Will cease to be.

Well the Mitt’s friend Newt’s a millionaire,
Kinfolk said "Newt your wife has got own health scare,”
Said "Leave her now for one who’s healthy as can be"
So he left for a newer one, and thought he acted cleverly.

Family values, that is
Heterosexual
Three wives.

Well now soon we’ll say good bye to Mitt and Newt agin.
Michelle and them would like to thank you folks fer not living in sin.
You're all invited back again for Fox morality
As long as you never practice homosexuality

Republican they is. No stem cell. Turn the News off

Y'all come back now, y'hear?

Got stuck in a delay at Penn last night
Almost missed the train last night
Drunken Ranger fans in every seat
Yelling 'bout the Hockey fight
I'm back on the L.I.R.R.
You don't know how lucky you are boys
Back on the L.I.R.R.

Was stuck for an hour in Carle Place
Called the wife.to take me home
Last night I didn't have to use the mace
They raised the fare to my home zone.
I'm back on the L.I.R.R.
You don't know how lucky you are boys
Back on the L.I.R.R.

Well the Wantagh girls really knock me out.
They all have the big behind
And the Seaford girls are all short and stout
And Massapequa's always on my mi i i i i nd
Oh yeah
I'm back on the L.I.R.R.

Show me round you land fill mountains way down south
Did you set the car Alarm?
Let me hear all of cell phones ringing out
This car smells like a barn.
I'm back on the L.I.R.R.
Hey you don't know how lucky you are
Back on the L.I.R.R.