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pet peeves

Has anyone actually made "a long story short?" I dread it when I hear those words. I know I might as well get myself a cup of coffee, because I'm in for the long haul.

How about the word "literally?" Is there any need to use the word? If your telling the truth, aren't you by definition saying something literally. If you're exaggerating, subject to hyperbole, (or as they say on Sports talk radio "hyper bowl"), aren't you in fact saying it figuratively. Nobody has done something "literally a million times," except maybe breath.

In Neil Simon's great play The Odd Couple when Oscar tells Felix to leave the house, Felix responds by saying "In other words, you're throwing me out." Oscar's retort is "Not in other words, those are the perfect words!" Why do people think that we need other words for what we say? Whenever, I hear a client say that to me, I know that a not so reasonable facsimile of what I actually said will come back to haunt me.

Working on Long Island, what I like to refer to as a cultural desert within a cultural oasis, I hear a whole new form of language.  The word is supposedly not "supposebly." We do not celebrate Valentime's day. We celebrate Valentine's day. The is no such thing as a Liberry. We borrow books at the Library. There is no such word as "irregardless."

Well, In other words, to literally make a long story short, a friend of mine supposably has extra tickets to the hyper bowl on Valentimes day. He told me this at the Liberry. Irregardless of how much this has insulted him, I'm going.

Jello

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