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The Palins (A New Musical Comedy) Part 1

Ladies and Gentlemen, I’m Sean Hannity, your host for tonight show. Tonight I am honored to bring to you Fox’s first musical reality show. So without further ado, I bring you part one of “The Palins.”

Theme Song

Palins, meet the Palins,
They're a great American family
From Wasila, Alaska,
They're rewriting History.
Let's go watch the Russians from down the street,
Or shoot a Moose from up a hundred feet.
When you're, with the Palins,
Have a Red, White and Blue time,
A White and Blue time,
This family is so sublime!

I See Russia
(Sung to the tune of “I feel pretty”)

I see Russia,
Big, Bad Russia,
I see Russia and Russia sees me!
And I would have crushed her
When you elected me to be VP.

I’m for drilling,
Lots of drilling
It's thrilling how drilling can be!
So the drilling
Will escalate if you elect me.

I’m the beauty Queen from the Bering Strait:
I got my make up and clothing for free.
Free for a pretty face,
Free for a pretty dress,
Free for a pretty smile,
Free for a pretty me!

I am running
And campaigning,
I’m debating and relating with joy,
While I slander
The Ex-Senator from Illinois!

Children
This is my Mother the Former Running Mate,
The most powerful Mom on the ice
She approves of her children who procreate,
As long as we don’t use a Birth Control Device.

She should’ve been the VP.
She’d be one heartbeat away.
If she had been the VP,
Noone would disobey.

Where we live you need heat
Cause it’s zero degrees,
We get Polar Bear meat,
From our local Hardees.

In school we should read the Bible now
Send for Hannity!
Here are the books that she’ll disavow They violate Christianity!

She once was obscure,
But now she’s maligned,
She’s going on tour
Leaving Dad in a bind!

Sarah
I see Russia,
Big, bad Russia
They despise us because we are free.
Salt Lake City
Is full of real Americans, like me.

Children
Ma ma ma ma . . .

Sarah
It stopped snowing,
It is sunny,
It’s so sunny and it’s only July,
It’s so sunny,
That my parka is nearly dry!

Children
Ma ma ma ma . . .

Sarah
I can see the KGB from the Bering Strait:

Children
What KGB where?

Sarah
You know that he’d rather be free.

Children
Which? What? Where? Whom?

Sarah
Free for a pretty face,
Free for a pretty dress,
Free for a pretty smile,
Free for a pretty me!

Children
Free for a pretty me!

ALL
I am running
To be the first female Pres, you see
It’ll be stunning when I get to see,
the expression
On the face of Hillary C!

Alaskan Oil
(Sung to the Tune of The Sound of Music)

Sarah
The hills are alive with Alaskan Oil
We’ll make great use of the great Frontiers
We’ll fill your tanks with Alaskan Oil
And sell all the pelts from the Bears at your local Sears

My spouse wants to hunt all the Moose and the birds
that survive despite zero degrees
My kids love to join him, and kill a large Moose
then attend Church in Moose dungarees
To shoot from the sky at a wolf as it hopelessly tries to get away
To watch with pride of the brave as his pelt turns red from gray

The oil in Alaska, smell like honey
I know that despite this I’ll still get grief from Al Gore
From The Bearing Straight we’ll access, To Alaskan Oil
And let the Ducks, clean up the mess that we’ve made of the shore!

Palin the Queen of the Right
(To the tune of Lydia the Tattooed Lady)

The MSNBC News Crew

Oh Palin, Oh Palin
Now have you met Palin
Palin the GOP running mate
Oh the red-necks so adore her
but wish the Press would just ignore her

Oh Palin, Oh Palin
Now have you met Palin
Palin the queen of the right
From her home can be seen the former USSR
With the Pipeline she wants, she can fill up her car
She thinks that Russia is still ruled by the Tsar
Oh you can learn a lot from Palin

There's a Polar Bear walking over the Tundra
He’s endangered so don’t shoot him and blunder
She would change that is she could have her way
And also tell everyone how to pray
She has her own view of the world from a long time gone
That man lived side by side with the Big Masterdon
And won’t approve of sex if a man has a condom on

Oh Palin, Oh Palin, now have you met Palin
Palin the queen of them all
She approves of the Bush Doctrine, though its never been read
The names of Court cases have clear left her head
And from the air she can shoot a Wolf til its dead!
You can learn a lot from Palin!

Palin, oh Palin, have you met Palin, the queen of the right!
She once even suggested the banning a book,
The Librarian countered with a quizzical look.
So then the old girl knew how little it took,
For she was fired then by Palin!

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
cathy_edgett
Oct. 18th, 2009 04:05 pm (UTC)
Great, once again, and yet it makes me want to cry because it is so true!! Congrats!

You must be excited about the Yankees! :)
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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