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The Sarah Palin Comedy Hour

Nobody knew what to expect. It had been first announced on the Hannity show. This Saturday Night, Roger Ayles, the man who brought you :Are You Smarter that a Liberal,” and :Survivor, New York,” brings to television his latest in a serious of innovated, fair and balanced ideas. Be sure to have your sets tuned to Fox, Saturday at 8:00 P.M. Eastern Standard Time.

The time had finally come, the suspense was unbearable. A female voice is heard. “Ladies and Gentleman, Roger Ayles, is proud to bring you ‘The Sarah Palin Comedy Hour.’ Starring Sarah Palin, with The Ted Nugent Orchestra. I’m Elisabeth Hasselbeck. Tonight Sarah’s guests are of Bush and Cheney and musically guest Anton Scalia and the Supremes. And, now without further ado, here’s Sarah.”

Nugent’s Orchestra breaks into a surprising tune. As the hostess reaches the microphone, she begins to sing:

“FLEW IN FROM LAGUARDIA, NYC
DIDŃT GET TO FOX LAST NIGHT
HANNITY AND I NEVER DISAGREE
WE’RE PART OF THE RIGHTOUS RIGHT
MY BACK FACES THE USSR
YOU DOŃT HOW COLD IT CAN BE, BOYS
BACK TO THE USSR

BEEN AWAY SO LONG THE SUN IS GONE FROM THIS PLACE
IT́S GOOD TO BE BACK IN NOME
LEAVE IT TILL TOMORROW TO TAKE OUT MY GUNCASE
HONEY I’M PNEUMONIA PRONE
MY BACK FACES THE USSR
YOU DOŃT HOW COLD IT CAN BE, BOYS
BACK FACES THE US, BACK FACES THE US
BACK FACES THE USSR

WELL THE UKRAINE GIRLS THEY CAN’T WINK LIKE ME
THEY DON’T HAVE MY BEHIND
AND MOSCOW GIRLS MAKE THEY ALL NEED A SHAVE
THEY SAY GEORGIÁS BOARDER MAY NOW BE MI MI MI MI MI MI MINED
OH, COME ON!
MY BACK FACES THE USSR
YOU DOŃT HOW COLD IT CAN BE, BOYS
BACK TO THE USSR

WELL THE UKRAINE GIRLS THEY CAN’T WINK LIKE ME
THEY DON’T HAVE MY BEHIND
AND MOSCOW GIRLS MAKE THEY ALL NEED A SHAVE
THEY SAY GEORGIÁS BOARDER MAY NOW BE MI MI MI MI MI MI MINED
SHOW ME ROUND YOUR OIL PIPELINES
WAY DOWN SOUTH
TAKE ME OUT TO KILL A BEAR
LET ME THE WOLVES WAILING OUT
TODD, WE CAN SHOOT THEM FROM UP HERE

MY BACK FACES THE USSR
YOU DOŃT HOW COLD IT CAN BE, BOYS
BACK TO THE USSR”

The Celebrity packed audience stands in honor of the hostess. Mel Gibson is overheard , whispering to Jon Voight, “Clearly better than Strisand.”

As the applause eventually subsides, Sarah addresses the audience. “Two Liberals walk into a bar. The Conservative with them ducks.”

“How many Liberals does it take to change a light bulb. None, Liberals would rather have an illegal Mexican alien change the bulb.”

“Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight, You betcha. Live here on our stage, I bring you that great comedy act, Bush and Cheney.”

Cheney: Alright, Mr. President how can I help you?

Bush: Now look, I'm the head of the Country. I’m doing my last state visit to a country called Manua. I need to know the names of the people that I’m going to see.
Do you know the guys' names?

Cheney: Oh sure.

Bush: So you go ahead and tell me some of their names.

Cheney: Well, I'll introduce you to the boys. You know sometimes nowadays they give diplomats peculiar names.

Cheney: Now let's see. The Prime Minister is Hugh.

Bush: The Prime Minister is not me. I’m the President

Cheney: No me is the Secretary of Defense and I’m The Attorney General -

Bush: You can’t be the Attorney General

Cheney: No Hugh is the Prime Minister.

Bush: Stop saying that I’m The Prime Minister.

Cheney: I’m not the Prime Minister. I’m is the Attorney General.

Bush: How can you be the Attorney General of one country and Vice President of another

Cheney: You is not the Vice President, She is the Vice President.

Bush: She is the Vice President. I thought that You’re the Vice President

Cheney: No Your is the Secretary of Agriculture.

Bush: I’m not the Secretary of Agriculture and you’re fired if you say I’m the Attorney General. Tell me the name of the U.N. Ambassador.

Cheney: Tell me is the name of the Speaker of the House.

Bush: I don’t care about the Speaker of the House. I want to know the name of the U.N. Ambassador.

Cheney: I want to know is the name of Minister of Finance.

Bush: I don’t care about the Minister of Finance. Do they have a U.S. Ambassador?

Cheney: Of Course they have a U.S. Ambassador.

Bush: Does he have a name.

Cheney: Of course.

Bush: Tell me his name?

Cheney: Of course.

Bush: OK Tell me his name.

Cheney: Of Course.

Bush: You going to tell me?.

Cheney: I’m telling you, Of course.

Bush: So tell me.

Cheney: She’s the head of Homeland Security - now we're not talkin' 'bout him.

Bush: Now, how did I get on Homeland Security?

Cheney: You mentioned his name!

Bush: If I mentioned the Homeland Security's name, tell me what I said?

Cheney: Oh he’s the Opposition Party.

Bush: Never mind the Opposition Party.

Cheney: No - Never Mind’s been executed.

Bush: Huh?

Cheney: No, Huh’s OK, he was acquitted

Bush: Well, I'm a war time President

Cheney: I know that.

Bush: Now suppose that I decide to attack Manua. After a few weeks of heavy bombing they surrender.

Cheney: Yes.

Bush: I negotiate a settlement with Hugh.

Cheney: Now that's the first thing you've said right.

Bush: I don't even know what I'm talkin' about!

Cheney: Well, that's all you have to do.

Bush: Hugh resigns.

Cheney: Yes.

Bush: Now I’m dealing with She.

Cheney: Maybe

Bush: So I’m negotiating with She.

Cheney: Maybe!

Bush: Maybe?

Cheney: Maybe

Bush: So I’m negotiating with Maybe.

Cheney: NO, NO, NO! You’re negotiating with She.

Bush: Maybe.

Cheney: That's right. There we go.

Bush: She then resigns. They ask me to deal with I’m. I’m not dealing with I’m.To Hell with them!

Cheney: What was that?

Bush: To Hell With Them!


Cheney: That’s the Chief Justice

The audience is besides themselves. Hasselback’s voice is heard. “I’m sorry folks, we’re out of time, but the Supremes have agreed to appear next week, when our other guest’s will be, “Pat Robertson and The Miracles.”

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