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Monty Python and The Holy Tea Party

Not a word of what follows is original.

Mitch McConnell: What makes you think she's a witch?
Newt Gingrich: Well, she turned me into a newt!
Mitch McConnell: A newt?
Newt Gingrich: [meekly after a long pause] ... I got better.
Tea Partiers: [shouts] Burn her anyway!

Christine O’Donnell: I'm not a witch I'm not a witch!
Mitch McConnell: But you are dressed as one
Christine O’Donnell: *They* dressed me up like this!
Tea Partiers: We didn't! We didn't...
Christine O’Donnell: And this isn't my nose. It's a false one.
Mitch McConnell: [lifts up her false nose] Well?
John Boehner: Well, we did do the nose.
Mitch McConnell: The nose?
John Boehner: And the hat, but she is a witch!
Tea Partiers: Yeah! Burn her! Burn her!
Mitch McConnell: Did you dress her up like this?
John Boehner: No!
Newt Gingrich, Carl Paladino: No!
Newt Gingrich: No!
John Boehner: No!
Newt Gingrich, Carl Paladino: No!
John Boehner: Yes!
Carl Paladino: Yes!
John Boehner: Yeah a bit.
Newt Gingrich: A bit!
John Boehner, Carl Paladino: A bit!
Carl Paladino: a bit
John Boehner: But she has got a wart!
Random Person in the Tea Partiers: *cough* *cough*


Mitch McConnell: There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.
John Boehner: Are there? Oh well, tell us.
Mitch McConnell: Tell me. What do you do with witches?
John Boehner: Burn them.
Mitch McConnell: And what do you burn, apart from witches?
John Boehner: More witches.
Carl Paladino: Wood.
Mitch McConnell: Good. Now, why do witches burn?
Newt Gingrich: ...because they're made of... wood?
Mitch McConnell: Good. So how do you tell whether she is made of wood?
John Boehner: Build a bridge out of her.

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