?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

Weekend at Osama's

The Al Qaeda Spin doctors are saying that the Navy Seals didn't kill Bin Laden. They have quickly releases the first feature length Al Qaeda Movie. Released through their own studio, Fourth Century Fox, here is a brief summary of their version of Osama's death. "Weekend at Osama's."
___________________________________________________________________________________________________

Achmad and Abdul are two low-level employees at Al Qaeda who uncover a $2 million fraud involving financing of Osama’s hit album sings Elvis that were released after the death of the Infidel producer. Taking their findings to their boss Osama Bin Laden, they are commended for discovering the fraud and invited to Osama's cave the following long weekend, and promised extra virgins.


Unbeknownst to Achmad and Abdul, Osama is behind the fraud and nervously arranges with his
Taliban partners to have them both killed that weekend and arrange it as a murder-suicide. The talibans, however, double cross Osama and change the plan to have Husni murder Osama at his cave house instead, as Osama's reckless greed has made him a liability, in addition to the fact he is having an affair with the Taliban boss Najeed’s girlfriend, Nasmah.. During the dinner Nasmah, slides her sandal off and plays footsie with Osama with her bare foot.


Osama arrives at the cave early, before Achmad and Abdul, and speaks to Husni on the phone.
With the belief that this conversation, is going to become part of Osama’s next video it is recorded. The conversation pointedly mentions Osama's alibi once Husni is supposed to kill the two friends. Osama then writes a confession and plants cash implicating Achmad and Abdul in what Osama thinks will be their later deaths. Husni arrives, kills Osama by injection of Chicken Soup and leaves a Gefilte Fish to appear as an apparent overdose.


Achmad and Abdul arrive at the beach house, find their now dead boss and think he is meditating. While trying to liven him up, they discover the Gefilte Fisht left as evidence by the killer to suggest that Osama overdosed. At this point, guests start arriving for a "floating" party that passes through Osama's house every weekend as he is immensely popular in the cave.


Achmad and Abdul immediately realize that the vast majority of people are too engrossed in their own suicides to notice the "host" and even the few appearing to talk to Osama in passing are too superficial and oblivious to think twice about his apparent lack of response between his eyes concealed behind dark sunglasses and a certain dopey grin from the murderous OD: "you've never looked so relaxed," someone tells him.


Despite the more conniving Achmad's effort to persuade his friend to take advantage of the incredible situation to enjoy the accommodations for at least a while, straitlaced Abdul begins to call the Al Qaeda leaders when he spots the arrival of a Al Qaeda, summer intern Shifa.


Managing to move Osama's body away from the party with Achmad broadly hinting their boss is "dead" drunk, Abdul is finally free to court the hooded Shifa with Achmad's prompting: "Girl, cave, mud, sand, dirt."


After the party has ended, another man from Najeed's gang arrives and has reason to believe Osama is still alive. He immediately calls in this surprising news to Najeed who has Husni check back at the cave the next day. The next morning starts with Achmad playing Monopoly with his dead boss. This game of monopoly is the Tora Bora version.


Abdul gets flustered when Shifa arrives to thank Osama for her summer job . To hide Osama from Shifa, Achmad ends up dropping the corpse off the side of the mountain, unknowingly on top of Husni who was spying from beneath the mountain. At once shocked and provoked by what he thinks is this sudden attack, Husni chokes Osama until he's positive he has no pulse.


Achmad and Abdul finally determine to the Al Qaeda leaders inadvertently press the tape
machine playback of Osama's conversation with Husni alluding to their planned murder, which in turn leads them to discover the cash and note left by Osama framing them. They initially try to leave the cave by camel, dragging Osama draped over their shoulders to look like he's walking between them.


The camel leaves as they arrive at the Hookah cafe and Husni - who is on the Camel - becomes agitated at the sight of Osama running alongside Achmad and Abdul shouting to stop the Camel.


Husni is driven crazy by how two murder attempts on Osama could have failed.


Next, Achmad and Abdul attempt to use Osama's Camel to leave the cave. Neither knows how to ride a Camel, however, and they end up wreaking havoc on various local Camels and merchants.


The Camel soon runs out of cud, and the duo is forced to slide on Osama's back to the cave.


At the house, Shifa confronts Achmad and Abdul to pressure them to tell the truth. They break down and reveal that they had found Osama dead from the start of the weekend. Suddenly Husni returns, thinking Osama is still alive, and blatantly fires six gunshots into Osama in front of Shifa, Achmad, and Abdul. Husni then turns the gun on the others, but he has emptied the chamber. Chasing them with another loaded gun, Husni is caught by surprise when Achmad manages to entangle him with the cord from Osama’s dialysis machine and knock him out.


Al Qaeda eventually arrive to cut off Husni’s hands, chopping them off s he continues to insist Osama is still alive.


As Osama is being loaded onto the Red Crescent Moon Camel, the gurney rolls away and down the desert, dumping his body off the gurney and onto the desert yet again, where a young boy comes along, and starts to play by scooping buckets of sand over the body. At last, Osama is buried and can rest in peace... or can he?

Profile

jellomarx
jellomarx

Latest Month

October 2017
S M T W T F S
1234567
891011121314
15161718192021
22232425262728
293031    

Tags

Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Tiffany Chow