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K-Tel Presents

K-Tel presents the world’s first authentic “oldies” collection.
You’ll get all of your favorites, from the 50’s 60’ and 70’s by the original artists, updated for the 21st Century. Who can forget the Chipmunk’s classic Christmas Tune, now with new twist:

To the tune of the Chipmunks song (Christmas don’t be late)

Colonoscopy is near
Time for Prep and time for clear
Ate too much, but it can't last
Always feast, before the fast
Oh my bowels they won’t relax
Better take more Miralax
Hurry Doctor don’t be late
Been hours since I last ate



You’ll receive Paul McCartney’s classic Beatle’s song “Back with the AARP” and of course Ringo’s classic “I get by with a Little Help from Depends”:

What would you think if I went in this room,
Would it bother you if I took a wee?
Lend me your mop before the odor gets strong,
And I'll clean up the puddle of pee.
Oh I get by with a little help from Depends
Mmm,I keep dry with a little help from Depends,
Mmm, I'm the guy who gets help from my Depends.
What do I do when my aim goes astray?
(Don’t worry you’ll soon pass the stone)
How do I feel when I suddenly spray
(Does it hurt you and make you groan)
No, I get by with a little help from Depends
Mmm,I keep dry with a little help from Depends,
Mmm, I'm the guy who gets help from my Depends.
You’re not near to the potty?
Wet pants you can’t to get out of.
Lost control of your body?
I want shorts that I can dispose of.
Would you believe that I’ve tried all my might?
Yes But I piddle all the time.
When I’m in bed I won’t turn out the light?
I’ll never make it to the john on time.
Oh I get by with a little help from Depends
Mmm,I keep dry with a little help from Depends,
Mmm, I'm the guy who gets help from my Depends.
You’re not near to the potty?
Wet pants you can’t to get out of.
Lost control of your body?
I want shorts that I can dispose of.
Oh I get by with a little help from Depends
Mmm,I keep dry with a little help from Depends,
Mmm, I'm the guy who gets help from my Depends.
Yes I keep dry with a little help from Depends,
with a little help from Depends

John Fogarty and the surviving members of Creedence. Put aside their difference to recut the classic, “Who’ll Stop the Strain.” Helen Reddy performs her classic “I am Woman, hear me snore.”
I am Woman hear me snore
With sounds here through an iron door……………

And if you order now, you’ll receive this very special bonus cd, the reunion of Simon and Garfunkel singing their all-time classics, “My Bridge in a Glass of Water,” “Old Jews,” and of course, “the Sounds of Matzo.”

Hello Matzo, my old friend
You constipate me once again
Because a bread that is not rising
Sits like lead in us every Spring
And the Answers to the questions
That were asked, must still remain
Until I take My Ex-Lax
In gassy cars we’re driving home
The pain inside, just makes me moan
Oh my God, I had another cramp
My wife says “dear you smell like a tramp.”
Now I regret the second helpings
Of chopped liver that I had at night
I need a dose of Ex-Lax
And in the bathrooms we all sit
Ten Thousand Jews can’t take a shit
Jews always talking about their bowels
“Honey when you’re done, please use guest towels.”
Dad is saying “I hope I remember this next year”
“You won’t dear.”
Just take a dose of Ex-lax
Fool am I, but you all know
Each year a rock inside me grows
Here are my words that I will say to you
“No more Matzo for this backed up Jew”
But you say, that you’ve “heard this speech before.
And bellowed “I hope the stores have Ex-Lax.”
And I remember how we prayed,
About this Matzo that just laid
I will take this as a sign of warning
Knowing how bad I will feel the next morning.
But next Passover, there’ll be lines to water closets
Which will crowd our all our Bubbe’s halls, cause natures calls

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
ygrii_blop
Jul. 19th, 2015 12:51 am (UTC)
Ha ha ha ha haaaaa! Good stuff, man. Your satiric skills have improved greatly. Keep it up.
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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