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THE REPUBLICAN DEBATES IN THE LAND OF OZ

It's that time again, the Republican Debates, This year they've decided that the first debate shout take place in the Emerald City, in the county of Oz.

Republican Debates in OZ

Welcome to the Republican Debates. We are here in the Emerald City, the County of Oz. The Moderator for the debates is the first lady of Oz, Dorothy Gale. As the candidates enter via the Yellow Brick Road, Miss Gale will ask the questions.

Dorothy Gale: My first question is for Donald Trump. Mr. Trump, Because of your tendency to always say what is on your mind, you are not the most popular among the other candidates, many of whom you may need, if elected. You have often been described as not having a filter Tell me Mr. Trump, what would you do with a filter if you had one?

Trump: (To the tune of “If I only had a brain.”)
I must feed my overworked libido
That’s always been my Credo
I drive a Mercedes Benz
And My Haircuts they cost Plenty
So it’s really elementary
I have no need for any friends.

I can be rude and not that funny
am worth a ton of money
So They will come ‘round in the end.

I am clearly narcissistic.
So, let’s not be unrealistic,
they’ll pretend to be my friends
Oh I wear silken ties
And Thousand dollar suits
With the NRA I will be in cahoots
A gun is safe, unless it shoots

So you say that I need a filter,
That my hair is out of kilter
And often I am rude.
But even though I am quite insulting,
I know that you’ll come consulting
When I am the Presidential dude.

Dorothy Gale: My next question is for Mr. Bush. Mr. Bush, your father and brother were both Presidents, yet we hardly see your brother on the campaign. Tell me Mr. Bush, do you find him a liability?

Bush: (To the Tune of “If I only had a Heart.”)

When you wish to be a White House Resident
And your brother once was President.
You would think that I’d be number one.
With the nomination is looming
my ratings aren’t booming
I wish I was his only son.

He’s slow witted
and feeble-minded,
And they too have been reminded.
They should have had one fewer son
Had they not had procreated
Then we wouldn’t be related,
And I’d be number One.

I’d be the Chief, what a relief.
My family by my side
Dorothy: Not a useless brother that you’d like to hide.

Hillary gets beat, How sweet

Just to be the White House Resident,
If they’d elect me President.
I would finally be number one.
There would be no apology, for the with the lobotomy,
If I had been their only son.

Dorothy Gale: My final question is for Mr. Santorum. It has been said that you would’ve made a great President, in the thirteenth century. What can you say to those that say you are behind the times.

Santorum: (To the tune of, “If I only had the nerve.”)

There are those of us who know Katrina
was God’s way of punishing men misusing their own Weiner
now I know they will observe

so listen all you sinners
don’t be losers be all winners
sleep with Sally and not Irv.

You have tried all other ruses
With no plausible excuses
Said the Lord you don’t observe.

So let’s avoid another annoyance
Just listen to my clairvoyance
Do not dress with your flamboyance
Or you’ll get what you deserve.

Dorothy Gale: Thank you candidates. This has been enlightening.

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