?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

God's Will

God had heard enough. All he ever heard was “God’s will.” He decided that it was finally time that he actually wrote a will.

How would he go about such a venture? There was a lot that he wasn’t sure about. He wasn’t really a citizen of any one country. Where would he go? He first thought about Israel. Then he realized all the controversy that this would cause. He remembered that he had once said that “The Jews were the chosen people.” He thought that it was time that he stopped choosing them.

He was leaning towards the United States, but two things concerned him:

1) What was all this clamoring he heard about a Death Tax? Those nice Republicans keep trying to get this repealed. He didn’t have much in the way of assets, but he didn’t want the Government to get them. In fact his entire estate consisted of An Ark, Two tablets, a Grail and a couple of million Dollars in a Swiss Bank Account.

2) He was concerned that he would be considered an illegal Alien. How would Lou Dobbs react?

He decided to seek the advise of the famous New York Probate Attorney Benny Ficiary.

Benny: Can I have your name please sir?

God: I’m God.

Benny: what is your family name?

God: I’m God, that’s my entire name.

Benny: So you’‘re like Madonna. You only have one name. Any aliases?

God: Many, Lord, Jehovah , Hashem. Shall I go on?

Benny: Have you any thought how you wanted to leave your assets?

God: I think it would be easier if we listed who among my children I’d like to disinherit. First of all the thin crackpot lady with the long neck. She’s always telling people how they should live their lives and what I want. I’ll let people know what I want.

And that phony Minister, who said that terrible Hurricane and those attacks in New York were my way of punishing sinners. You know what, I’ll give his share to a Lesbian, Jewish, Feminist member of the ACLU. That would show him.

Now what about this death tax?

Benny: It’s not really called a death tax. It’s called an Estate Tax. It doesn’t really effect you. This year the Federal Estate Tax kicks in at $2,000,000.00. Next year at $3,500,000.00. There is no Estate Tax for 2010. After that Congress will have to decide.

God: So it doesn’t really effect me then.

Benny: No. The problem that I see is that you’re an illegal alien. We should first work on getting you a green card. When was the last time that you worked?

God: I created the heavens and the earth.

Benny: Nothing more recent? Can you get a job? Starbucks is looking.

God: That’s not a bad idea. I do need insurance and I understand that they cover all employees.

Benny; How about your family. Do you have any children?

God: Just one son. But he never calls, he never writes.

Comments

( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
jellomarx
Sep. 12th, 2008 02:22 pm (UTC)
A little derivative of Mel Brooks, 2013 year-old man.
goddamnitbabies
Sep. 12th, 2008 02:19 pm (UTC)
hahah this is great. maybe you should write law textbooks for the rest of us...
jellomarx
Sep. 12th, 2008 02:24 pm (UTC)
I'm inspired by the absurd.

But maybe I will. If it's God's Will!
growingoldest
Sep. 13th, 2008 06:25 am (UTC)
Dostoevsky rides again!
Remember Jesus being re-condemned at the Inquisition?

This post was hahalarious. LTTC: Laugh to the Ceiling. Sorry, I know you don't like those abbrev's. Oops there's another.

I met God's Will one time. He was a skinny country boy who spat tobacco juice at grasshoppers and and peed on cow legs.

Give me a human brain, and I'll give you a gooey handful of hysterical imaginings they call Truth (religion).



jellomarx
Sep. 13th, 2008 10:55 am (UTC)
Re: Dostoevsky rides again!
Thank you. I also don't know the abbreviations.

I love writing satire. I hear an absurd comment and I get inspired.
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )

Profile

jellomarx
jellomarx

Latest Month

October 2017
S M T W T F S
1234567
891011121314
15161718192021
22232425262728
293031    

Tags

Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Tiffany Chow