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Jello's 12 step program

So I’ve concluded that I am addicted to listening to the Hate Mongers of Right Wing Radio. So last night I joined “ I listen to morons anonymous.” My sponsor is a 60 year old ex Columbia Student. He is living in his VW mini bus and occasionally visited by his son Tumbleweed, who works for a hedge fund and is about to be indicted, and his daughter, Pitted Prune.
Listed Below is our 12 step Program.

. I’ve admitted that I am powerless over hate radio—that my life has become unmanageable.
. “Hello, my name is Jello, and I’m a Rushaholic”

. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
. It’s time to buy an extra copy of Sgt. Peppers and play it whenever I’m tempted to turn on Hate radio.

. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
. I’ve programed my TV, so that whenever I attempt to turn on Fox, it plays the Michael Douglas speech from the end of “An American President.”

. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
. I’ve search and I actually do despise Ann Coulter.

. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
. I yell and scream at the radio while driving. My wife is scared.

. We’re entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
. If God doesn’t work, I’ll try Rachel Maddow.

. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
. I’m past being humble, I’m desperate.

. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
. I have to find that driver that I gave the finger to, after hearing Sean Hannity call President elect Obama a socialist for the 80th time in a one hour span.

. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
. I may skip that driver. He did have a W bumper sticker.

. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
. I once voted for Rudy Giuliani.

. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His Will for us and the power to carry that out.
. I hope that his knowledge and will can be gleaned through MSNBC.

. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to hate radioics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
. Come join me. You know who you are.

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
cathy_edgett
Nov. 12th, 2008 02:45 pm (UTC)
I think cars with a W sticker deserve the finger.

I'm curious to see who you gather with your 12-step program. There may be a good many of you out there in need. :)
rob_t_firefly
Nov. 12th, 2008 03:10 pm (UTC)
It's good that you caught this early on enough that you can admit you have a problem without blaming it on immigrants.
cathy_edgett
Nov. 12th, 2008 05:51 pm (UTC)
Big smile!! I agree. I also love how you use humor to handle your needs.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )

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