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Moses and Jesus go to Dinner.


A cab pulls up to an Italian Restaurant on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. Out step two bearded men in robes and sandals. The thinner man’s robe is white, the other man has a robe of multi colors with the words Abacrombie and Fitch written across the back. Jesus and Moses have come for dinner.

Addressing the cabdriver, Moses says, "Thanks Mohammed, for the ride. I'll put a good word in for you with the boss." Then addressing his companion he states, "Man, the guy moves one mountain and he thinks that he’s special."

J: That’s a nice robe, where did you get it from ?

M: I borrowed it from Joseph.

J: What kind of Restaurant is this?

M: It’s Italian, you’ll like it. The Pope takes the misses here when he’s in town.

J. It’s not kosher. He’s going to be angry! Let’s just go to Zabars.

M: He’ll never know.

J: The way you eat, there’ll be tomato sauce all over the robe. Remember what he did to Adam and Eve. And, that was only an Apple!

M: That’s the beauty of this robe. I can always say Joseph did it! His brothers will swear to it!

As they enter the Restaurant, the crowd murmurs, a Paparazzi takes their picture. Little David acting as their bodyguard takes the camera from the Paparazzi. The waiter brings bread to their table.

J: This is my body you eat!

M: Why must you be so melodramatic?  Now I have that image in my head, that won’t go away all day. Do me a favor, when we get the wine, don’t tell me it’s your blood. I’m not one of your Apostles!

Waiter: Are you gentlemen ready to order?

M: Do you take Heaven Express credit card?

W: Yes, we do.

M: Good, I get double points! I need the miles. We’ll have two House salads, I’ll have the Shrimp Scampi and Jesus here will have the Veal Parmigiana. Also, please bring us a bottle of your best Chianti. And for God’s sake can we please have some water. I’m still parched from 40 years in the desert.

After finishing a fine meal the Heavens open up, they hear claps of thunder. From their window they see lightning.

M: Jesus Christ!

J: Yes?

M: Sorry, it’s just an expression. I guess that he’s angry. We better get the check.

The waiter brings the check. It is printed upon two stone tablets.

M: Very funny! Oh No!

J: What is it?

M: The bill says, the meals on me, but you’re spending the next 40 years wandering Staten Island. My God, that’s worse than the Desert!

J: I told you that we shouldn’t eat non Kosher. I guess that he realized that I was influenced by you and I’ve been forgiven.

M: Not exactly.

J: Not that!

M: Yes!

J: Alright, but by the way, where does one find a Leper Colony in North America?



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