jellomarx (jellomarx) wrote,

Origin of the Species

A group of world renowned Anthropologists and Archaeologists recently met to ponder the question, "Where did the Neocons come from?" The question arose when Swedish Archaeologist, Edgar Johanssen, on a dig in Cos Cob, Connecticut, unearthed a pink sweater in the vicinity of a pair of penny loafer shoes. Carbon Dating estimates that these items of clothing are from the year 1969. This predates the generally accepted date of the founding of the Neocon movement by about ten years.

"This is Conclusive proof that the modern day Neocon evolved from the lower New England Yuppie." said Johanson.

"Hogwash!" said Neoconservative Matriarch, Anne Coulter. "There is no proof to the theory of Evolution. It is well established fact Irving Kristol created the movement in six days. Read the Gospel according to the profit Rush. Furthermore, I know of no reason why Neoconservatism cannot be taught in the schools as a contradictory argument to History and Economics."

When asked for an explanation of why the sweater and the penny loafers mean that the Neocons evolved from the Yuppies, Johansson explained that similar articles of clothing were found "in Wyoming and Crawford, Texas. These are areas that the Neocons were known to thrive."

It is believed that the Neocons began as a warring, nomadic group of young white Conservatives who were pushed out of Cos Cob and migrated to points south and west. During the migration their diet evolved from Perrier water and lobster to grits, bacon and Schlitz Beer.

The Migration was not without incident. Neocons, a violent group, have been known to shoot each other in the face, with their ever present weaponry.

It is also not unusual for a Neocon to turn on one another when they feel that their Leader has been shown disrespect.

"In conclusion,: Johannson said, "if you happen to see a Neocon stay away. They can be rabid. If bitten or scratched, go immediately to the nearest hospital, and hope that they accept your insurance."
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