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If Hansel and Gretel were written today

George and Barbara were the first couple of the Republican Party. Fearing extinction, their old ally Dick convinces them to pass the mantel to their son. The son has other plans then to follow in his father’s conservative, but patriotic path. Hr plans on taking the party into the Neocon forest and abandon it there. George and Barbara hear his plan and gather One Hundred Dollar Bills from the Federal Reserve to leave themselves a trail home.

After their return, their son clears all the One Hundred Dollar Bills from the Federal Reserve when he learns of the Parents intent for them. He subsequently convinces the Congress to abandon all logic by cutting taxes in a time of war, rendering the Hundred Dollar Bill valueless. George and Barbara are lost. Do the support their child, or do what’s best for the Country. The son abandons the party again further in the forest so it cannot find their way back; this time however, they can only leave a trail of Big Macs. Unfortunately, the leader of the Neocon Forest, Rush, eats their trail of Big Macs, causing George and Barbara to become lost.

Lost in the forest, they find a house made of excepts from something called The Bush Doctrine. Unable to resist, they begin to read it. The inhabitant of the house, a Mieskeit, named Annie, invites them in reads to the from something called The Patriot Act. The wall is covered with dart boards, with pictures of what The Mieskeit calls, Judges who legislate from the bench.

The woman, however, is a witch who has built the house to entice Republicans to her, so that she can frighten them with thoughts of Gay Marriage. . She locks George in a cage, and makes Barbara her servant. While she prepares to read to George, she orders Barbara off to fetch all of the books that she has written. Unable to do anything, Barbara weeps bitterly and does as she is told.

In the cage, George finds a copy of The U.S. Constitution, that was being used for liner paper. When the witch tells George to read to her from her book treason, he instead reads to her from the Second Amendment to the Constitution, editing it to reflect Annie’s view. Days pass by, and the witch has convinced George to fully back his son’s plans. She then releases him to the other Republicans. George is freed and he and Barbara retire wh their riches,. After reuniting with their son, they realize that due to the son’s policies The Republicans have become an endangered species, making them rethink their beliefs in the Endangered Species act.


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 3rd, 2009 02:35 pm (UTC)
This is great, and that last line is priceless. :)

Aug. 3rd, 2009 02:38 pm (UTC)
Thanks Cathy.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )



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