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Jello's rules & observations

1 Never eat a cupcake in front of you wife. She doesn't know that the crumbs on the shirt are half of the fun.

2 The death penalty should be abolished, with exception for those who say "irregardless," supposably" and "Valentime's day.". For those offenses there should be the ultimate penalty.

3 God is not interested in your bumper sticker.

4 The reason that there are so few Jewish ballplayers is that is is very difficult to make double triangles with your hands while carrying a bat.

5 Although my wife is right 99+% of the time, I continue to insist upon doing things my way. Does this make me a fool or a man?

6 Who is that man in the mirror?

7 I haven't been loosing my hair, it's right there under the bed.

8 When I was single, I realized that it was tough being a stud, when nobody else knew about it.

9 Those headphones that you're wearing, to listen to that awful music on the subway, are not only set so loud that you'll be deaf by the time you're 30, but they don't work, I can hear the crappy music.

10 Along with fining people for spitting on the subway, there should be fines for clipping one's nails, flatulence and insisting that your knapsack deserves a seat.

Comments

( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
bluedressdevil
Sep. 12th, 2009 07:05 pm (UTC)
5. Although my wife is right 99+% of the time, I continue to insist upon doing things my way. Does this make me a fool or a man?

Why does it have to be an either/or situation? ;) Its funny because my husband always seems surprised that I am right even though I have explained to him that I am ALWAYS right.
cathy_edgett
Sep. 12th, 2009 08:50 pm (UTC)
Yes! Well-done! :)
luckycee
Sep. 13th, 2009 01:45 am (UTC)
1. I once vacuumed my husband's shirt while he was wearing it.

2. Walmarts.
jellomarx
Sep. 13th, 2009 01:47 am (UTC)
The crumbs are the best part.
lux_angelis
Sep. 13th, 2009 04:03 am (UTC)
There's a special ring of hell reserved for people who take advantage of children and those who talk at the theater.
davidfcooper
Sep. 13th, 2009 07:56 pm (UTC)
4: "so few"? Jews are 2% of the US population and 5% of major league baseball players. There was an at bat during a major league game a few Septembers ago where the batter, the catcher, and the umpire were all Jewish; the three wished each other a Happy New Year and then continued playing.
jellomarx
Sep. 13th, 2009 08:03 pm (UTC)
It's a joke, mocking those who thank God for getting a hit. Gabe Kapler, Ian Kinsler, Ryan Braun and Kevin Youkalis are all Jewish. 4 Jewish MVPs- Hank Greenberg, Lou Boudreau, Al Rosen and Sandy Koufax, Greenberg, Boudreau and Koufax are also in the Hall of Fame. Rod Carew a former MVP and a Hall of Famer married Jewish, considers himself Jewish, but never converted.

Edited at 2009-09-13 09:49 pm (UTC)
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )

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