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Rules for Bachelors



I was a bachelor for a long time. And through the help of my lovely wife I've become domesticated. So I feel that I'm as much of an expert as any to advise others who are bachelors. Here are simple rules to follow:

1) Time periods before food in the car must be thrown out:
A) Container of Milk 1 Day
B) Tuna Sandwich- 2 Days
C) Big Mac - 3 Days
D) Hostess Cupcakes- Keep them. They have enough preservatives.

2) 2 Hot Dogs is not a nourishing dinner. Have a slice of Pizza with it. You need a dairy product.

3) Don't ever grow muttonchops. They look ridiculous. And it draws the eye away from that fine looking comb over.

4. You can't vacuum an entire apartment with a dust buster. Hire a yearly cleaning service.

5. Make sure never to wear one black sock and one brown sock. They tell me that they don't go. You can get away with a black and blue pair, they go nicely.

6. Make sure that you keep the giveaway towels from the Knick games. They make wonderful doilys.

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jellomarx
jellomarx

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