Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

The Battles of Greenwich and Bayonne

The suggestion was made , to me, yesterday that in order to settle the issue of gun control, that citizens of those states that want such legislation stay out of states that disapprove and vice versa. This could result in conflict between the States

It wasn't over guns, but Soda, when The Battles of Greewich and Bayonne occured.

New York Times July 23, 2012
With the announcement last week that Governor Cuomo was set to extent Mayor Blumberg’s ban on the sale of large sodas, an unlikely conflict has broken out between the States of New York, Connecticut and New Jersey when Connecticut Resident Pierce Wainright III objected to the law, “Not that I care about ‘Big Gulps’ but what next are they going to take away our Lattes?” Wainright asked.
Fights broke out in the boarder community of Rye, New York and Cos Cob, Connecticut. Both the New York State and Connecticut national guards were called in to quell the disruption. Thus begun the battle of Greenwich.

The Connecticut National Guard were dressed in the traditional Izod Shirt, with the Yellow and Green Sweater draped around the neck and penny loafers without socks of course. The New York National Guard were in their Air Jordan sneakers, pants raised to the middle of their rear end with the boxer shorts sticking out and Che Guevara T-shirts.

Talks were progressing smoothly until Senator Joseph Lieberman of Connecticut announced that he was throwing his support behind the New York contingent. This satisfied the group from Connecticut, but caused the group from New York to react violently. Many hot dogs and mocha lattes were sacrificed in battle.

The initial volley in this battle of words was started when a New York hurled the traditional battle cries of “Up Yours,” and “Your Mother!” The attack caught Connecticut totally unprepared, who are now awaiting reinforcements from the Yale and Wesleyan debate teams.

When tempers seemed to be cooling another battle began Southwest of Greenwich, when Bayonne resident, who wanted to remain anonymous, because he couldn’t spell his name, dressed in his traditional Speedo Bathing suit and Mesh T-shirt began lobbing Salty Pretzels and Fried dough into Staten Island. In a written statement he said, “Who, da (sic) (expletive deleted) dos (sic) dat (sic) (expletive deleted) mayor tink (sic) dat (sic) he is. Dis (sic) is (expletive deleted) Amerika (sic), and we’s free to eat any (expletive deleted) we’s want to.

Following that statement, Wainright offered the following statement in limited support of New Jersey's position, " Although I agree in principle with the 'gentleman' from New Jersey, I am appaled that he ended his sentence in a preposition."

Not since the civil war has there been such ugliness between the states.


( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
Jul. 25th, 2012 07:49 pm (UTC)
Greatly creative, and so close to the "truth". :-)
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )



Latest Month

January 2019


Page Summary

Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Tiffany Chow