Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

And she said "Great, get the divorce", but it turns out, in New York state, they have a strange law that says you can't get a divorce unless you can prove adultery, and it's weird, because the ten commandments say "Thou shalt not commit adultery", but New York state says you have to. Well, finally, what happened was, my wife committed adultery for me. She's always been more mechanically inclined than I have.

Woody Allen


This is no longer the law in New York State, but suppose for a minute that marriages were run like Baseball, a conversation between women on the street might go something like this:

Mrs. Cohen: Good morning Mrs. Levy, I was sorry to hear about Mr. Levy.

Mrs Levy: Well, I put him on the 15 day disabled list so I could bring up a replacement from Pawtucket.

Mrs. Cohen: I was hearing trade rumors is any of that true?

Mrs. Levy: Mrs Schwartz had offered me her husband and a station wagon for Mr. Levy. If I decide to trade, I think that I can get more by shopping him around. Mrs. Goldberg is always looking to swap.

Mrs. Cohen: But, Mr. Goldberg is a free agent at the end of this season. If you trade for him you might have to go for a rookie in the off season. He also has that terrible contract that states that wherever he is traded the dog must go with him.

Mrs. Levy: No wonder Mrs. Goldberg is looking for a trade.

Mrs. Cohen: Why would you want to trade Mr. Levy anyway?

Mrs. Levy: He keeps missing signals. Last week for instance, I gave him the take sign, figuring he'd walk, steal second and third and we'd try to score on the squeeze play.

Mrs. Cohen: Oh, I love the squeeze play, so what happened?

Mrs. Levy: He swung for the fences and missed! Before I knew it he was in the clubhouse having a sandwich. So the next night I batted myself.

Mrs. Cohen: I saw the box score. That seemed to work out well.

Mrs. Levy: You'd think so. The next thing I knew I was hearing from his agent. It seems his contract has a bonus clause in it if he gets more than 200 at bats any season. He accused me of an unfair labor tactic. He threatened to demand a trade. Then he goes out and pulls a muscle. That along with the blister, I had no choice, but to put him on the disabled list.

Mrs. Cohen: How'd he get hurt?

Mrs. Levy: He was taking extra batting practice.

Mrs. Cohen: Are you interested in Mr. Cohen?

Mrs. Levy: I might be, are you interested in trading?

Mrs. Cohen: I'm always willing to listen to offers.

Mrs. Levy: I can't take Mr. Cohen straight up for Mr. Levy. Mr. Cohen is much older and he's a free agent at the end of next year. There have always been those rumors of him wanting to play for Mrs. Brown.

Mrs. Cohen: Maybe we can work out a three way deal.

Mrs. Levy: I might be interested, but Mrs. Brown would have to throw in her daughter.

Mrs. Cohen: Well, Mrs. Brown does have a lovely daughter!



Latest Month

January 2019


Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Tiffany Chow