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The Right Reverend Snark

 

Welcome, my friends to the First Holy Church of the Internet. With no further ado, may I introduce to you, the man that you have all come to revere, the right Reverend Jeremiah Snark.

Hallelujah, Brothers and Sisters, I have come to cure the sinners and welcome your souls into the kingdom of God. For all of you nOObis out there welcome to the First Holy Church of the Internet. Bring us your Terrorists, your child pornographers, your celebrity gossipers all are welcome here. Can I get a Hallelujah?

Congregation: Hallelujah!

My friends, the Lord is troubled today. Do you know what troubles the Lord?

Congregant: Tell us Reverend Snark, what troubles the Lord?

My dear friends there are Lurkers among us.

Congregation: No, cast them out, mouse them!

No, I say, let he who throws the first mouse be without sin! You, Benjamin Blogger, are you without sin, weren’t you yourself a Lurker once. Didn’t you sit in Political chatrooms, while others wrote unsubstantiated slander. Where was your slander? I want to know! And you Peter Poster weren’t you once a Troll? You would post your irrelevant comments to bait others into argument.

Congregation: No, cast them out, mouse them!

No, they have repented. They are Grand Deacons in the First Holy Church of the Internet. That is my point here, Brothers and Sisters none of us are without original sin. We all lurked, we all trolled, we all were nOObis. You Penny Pornographer, I remember when you were a nOObi, all of the congregants wanted to pet you. No we shall find the Lurker and teach him the evil of his sins. May I have an Amen?

Now will you all please open your laptops to today's reading in the book of Microsoft, chapter one page one.

Book 01 Microsoft

001:001 In the beginning God created Dos.

 

001:002 And the internet was without form, and void; and darkness was

upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon
the face of the waters.

 

001:003 And God said, Let there be windows: and there were windows....

 

Comments

( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
dartmouth05
Jul. 24th, 2008 01:59 pm (UTC)
lol! Er, Amen? :-)
jellomarx
Jul. 24th, 2008 02:09 pm (UTC)
when is the bar exam? it's the only day in your live that you have to know the rule against perpetuities.
dartmouth05
Jul. 24th, 2008 02:17 pm (UTC)
Monday and Tuesday....
goddamnitbabies
Jul. 24th, 2008 02:35 pm (UTC)
hahahah that was great...
jellomarx
Jul. 24th, 2008 02:42 pm (UTC)
Your inspiration, my friend!
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )

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