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Olympic News

Olympic News:

Headline: Chinese Gymnast Yang Yilin turns 5. Yang Yilin celebrated her fifth birthday by appearing in today’s gold medal event, the teeter totter, in her new Catwoman leotards. The event was specially scheduled in the afternoon so that it wouldn’t interfere with her 8:00 PM curfew.

Revealed: Former Gymnastics coach now commentator Bella Karolyi actually speaking secret language. On air partner Bob Costas acknowledged, “I've never understood a word he said, I’d just ask the questions and hoped that he was responding appropriately. Who knew that he was speaking a language nobody else understood. I only knew that it wasn’t English.”

Headline: Sumo Wrestler eats female gymnast. The wrestler whose name is being withheld stated, “She tastes just like chicken.”

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