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A Man without an Afterlife

"The day of the Reckoning is upon us" Harvey said to his wife upon wakening. He realized this by the strange color of the sky.

He felt that he had nothing to worry about, after all, he and Betty had led good lives. Surely those fundamentalists could not be right. There had to be a place for the Jews in Heaven. So they followed the crowd and boarded the SST. That was strange. "Why would God need an SST?" When the stewardess spoke, he knew that he was in trouble.

"Please buckle your seatbelts as we prepare for takeoff on your flight to Enron Heaven. To some of you, this will be a stopover to other destinations. Don’t worry about your luggage, it won’t be needed in either place."

"Enron Heaven, my God, have they sold the naming rights to Heaven?" Harvey asked.

"Yes, a short time ago, God took Heaven public," explained the stewardess, "then just last week, Henry Ford was able to accumulate enough shares in a hostile takeover to force God out."

"Henry Ford, Betty we don’t stand a chance!"

"And what about God?" Henry asked , "What happened to him?"

" I understand that he was treated very well. He left with an enormous Golden Parachute."

"This is your pilot, Major Charles Lindbergh, speaking." A voice said from above.

The pilot went through the normal flight speech, but Harvey could hear nothing, all he kept thinking was Henry Ford and Charles Lindbergh. Could it be any worse?

As they landed in Father Coughlin airport in Enron Heaven, they were immediately led to a room with a Jewish star on the door. The room was crowded, but he did recognize a few people. "Betty look, that’s Groucho Marx, talking to Hank Greenberg." At that moment a man approached a microphone.

"As you are aware, our leader, Mr. Ford, has commenced cleaning up the methods of the prior management. Therefore, we feel that the people in this room would be happier in a warmer climate."

With that all of the occupants of the room were led to another Jet. Just as Harvey was about to ask what this new destination was. He was handed a brochure. Hades- 2008. The cover said escape from the boring drudgeries of Heaven. Spend your next vacation in Hell.

It didn’t sound too bad. Harvey looked through the brochure for a Hotel room. There were four hotels that stood out, The Hades Hilton, The River Styx Ramada, Damien’s Diplomat and Satan’s Sheraton. He decided that they would try the Hades Hilton.

They arrived at the front desk. "What can I do for you?" Asked the clerk.

"My name is Shapiro, I’d like a room."

"I’m sorry there isn’t a room in the hotel. For that matter, I understand that hell is completely booked."

"Wait a minute, I just heard that woman on the telephone, say that there are plenty of rooms."

"I think that you should leave."

Harvey realized, what had happened. Hell was restricted. He was a man without an afterlife,

They left the HIlton.  Not knowing where to go they took the bus to Purgatory.

When the bus arrived at Purgatory,  they immediately took notice of how lush the landscape was.  They asked the first person that they saw for an explanation.  He explained  "This was once a barren desert.   After we were chased from Heaven and not allowed in Hell,  we settled here to make this our homeland.  We have taken a desert and made it into an oasis."


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Sep. 16th, 2008 06:56 pm (UTC)
Ah, lovely, yes, the only way to go!
Sep. 16th, 2008 07:35 pm (UTC)
not my favorite. the idea was better than the excution.
Sep. 16th, 2008 10:39 pm (UTC)
Maybe you are too hard on yourself. It is true that Israel comes to mind with this, and you may have meant more than that. Also, my sense is that you have a great deal of emotion and feeling around the issue. Sometimes it is challenging to write what personally fulfills from that place.
(Deleted comment)
Sep. 17th, 2008 01:01 am (UTC)
I kept singing Heaven and Hell by The Who.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )



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