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If Fox News ran the debates


My friends, my name is Rush Limbaugh and I am host of this new and exciting debate format. Today we will be questioning the seven major candidates for President, regardless of party affiliation. This event is sponsered by Fox News, WABC Radio, The New York Post and Mad Magazine. My co-hosts are those giants of journalistic integrity Sean Hannity and Bill O’Reilly.

The questions will, of course, be fair and balanced.

We’ll start with Mr. O’Reilly.

O’Reilly: My question is for Mayor Guiliani. Mr. Mayor, what will you do to end this war on Christmas?

Guiliani: I am the only one of this panel who has experience fighting wars on Christmas. On 9/11 they tried to attack Christmas in my City, but I wouldn’t allow it. I will make it my priority to stop this terrorist Attack on Christmas!

Hannity: My question is for Senator Edwards. Senator, will you apologize to the American people for getting a $450.00 haircut?

Edwards: I fail to see how that is an issue.

Hannity: Then you won’t apologize.

Edwards: Sean, we are in the middle of a health care crisis. We are involved in a war. Why are you asking me about a haircut?

Hannity: A typical Democratic non response.

Limbaugh: My question is for Senator McCain. Senator, do you support the surge?

McCain: Rush, I have been to Iraq and because of the surge it’s no more dangerous than walking in any American City.

Guiliani: Not as safe as New York, because of how I handled 9/11!

O’Reilly: My next question is for Senator Obama. Senator do you feel that you have an unfair advantage because you are an African American? Shouldn’t you pose as Caucasian to even the field? By the way, I’ve been to Harlem and the people behavior was wonderful!

Obama: There is no way to answer that question. I am what I am!

O’Reilly: So again, a Democrat refuses to answer a legitimate question.

Hannity: My next question is for Governor Romney. Governor, what are your positions on Health Care, Abortion and Tax Cuts?

Romney: I’ve re-thought my position on each of these issues, and my thinking has evolved. That’s not to say that I believe in evolution.

Limbaugh: My next question is for Senator Clinton. Senator, when you personally killed Vince Foster, how did you move the body from the White House?

Clinton: That’s a ridiculous question, that I won’t dignify with an answer!

Limbaugh: Sean, Bill you’re right, my friends, these Democrats don’t want to answer fair questions.

O’Reilly: My question is for Governor Huckabee. Governor, we know that you don’t buy into the fallacy, known as the Theory of Evolution, what do you think about this other great scientific fallacy, the Theory of Gravity?

Huckabee: Well Bill, Jesus walked on water, therefore he defied what is currently thought of as Gravity. It’s only a theory, it’s not in the bible. The jury’s still out on that one.

Hannity: This has been the fair and Balanced Presidential debates. I think that it’s clearer to our viewing audience who to vote for.



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